I hope this funk that I have gotten my self into has to do with those wonderful things called hormones, and not my depression rearing it's ugly head.... I love nursing my baby one reason is the SLOW return of my monthly.... Yup that's right 9-10 months with no period hey sign me up for that... The only bummer is when it does happen I'm so not used to the flux of hormones it makes me kinda crazy... (funny side note with both Sammy and Ally my period decides to return on our anniversary... Yup thanks mother nature mom and dad try and have a special day and you go and send me your own kind of present!!! Yeah again THANKS!!!)
Johnny has returned to work full force... (yup all or nothing) He is currently working 40 hours for one company and apox 16 for another and doing a side job for my Uncle all in the same week... That means we don't get to see him like at all.... I'm glad my hubby has a great work ethic but COME ON!!! This might sound greedy or like a nagging wife but it kinda makes me mad that we never get to see him... Oh and as soon as he gets a call for an opportunity to work extra hours he jumps on it like its candy... But when I ask for some of his time it Oh well I guess I can try... And work all most all ways pops up and Mommy is left alone to raise and care for the kiddo's... At a certain point last year I just decided that I would not plan on having daddy home for anything and thus making it so I was not disappointed... But that is no way to have a family... I Need to find a way to come to grips with Johnny only having maybe 2 hours a day with him... Like today He worked from 7-5 I feed him and talked to him for maybe 30 min and he crawled in bed he will sleep for like 3 hours and go to his next job... Around 4am I expect him home and back to sleep... Then wake up and go back to work 2 hours latter.... Yup story of my life lately.... Can I just say I'm exhausted raising our children almost by my self...He keeps saying its will be for just this week or I have to take the extra hours while I can... But come on at what point is money more important than your family????
Sorry for the nagging post I just have to let my feelings out before they consume me...
The Eye of the Storm
4 years ago
2 comments:
Ugh, that is hard! I am so glad he is working now, but it seems like it is feast or famine with him. I hope that he can get that job, and thus have normal hours, and can be the husband and daddy that is needed. But I am so glad for you that he is able to work right now. Being out of work is scary. Just remember that. And vent away. It helps.
P.S. Zoo is out for tomorrow. Let's try in Sept. when the weather is nicer. And thanks for wanting to come with me. I am excited.
Its *SO* tough. Kreg and John are alot alike, they just want to provide the best they can for their families.
It is either feast or famine for Kreg, he's a total workaholic, that's one of the traits that i fell in love with when i first met him, because i was like that.lol
Like i told you a few days ago, it wasn't until 3 years ago that i could really depend on Kreg to be at birthdays, Christmas's, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and so on. And then during winter he was gone for days at a time.
At the airlines he got 3 weeks paid vacation off per year and i would force him to take it, otherwise he would just let it roll to the next year. But alot of times he would still end up going in on his vacation to get that extra money.
It was maddening.
And its hard as your kids get older too. They become more aware of daddy's presence in their lives.
The feelings your feeling are totally normal Les. They really are. Its so hard not to be bitter about you/us doing the bulk of the parenting and child rearing.
I still look back to pictures and journal entries from those years in our marriage and still feel pangs of anger and sadness.
But it slowly goes away with time. And that anger slowly turns to gratitude and..... i don't know, maybe a softer heart?
All i can do at this point is move on and and not dwell. I thank my Heavenly Father each and every day that he has a job when alot of folks don't. I thank Him that we have a means to pay our bills. And i thank Him that Kreg so willing to provide for us.
I know its hard. I know your frustration. I know the hurt. I know the overwhelmed feelings and burden it places on you.
It will go away though. And things *WILL* get better.
I pray everyday that he can get on with Kreg and then you can have have him present in your family LOADS more.
{{{HUGS}}}
I'm always up for a day out with you guys or a gab session at our houses. If your feeling down just give me a call and we can get together. I don't mind. I'm not getting sick of you, your not nearly as annoying as my sisters are.LOL
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