I'm losing it

I love bloging I love reading about all the fun my friends are having... I love seeing others kids grow up and go threw the same hard and fun times i go threw... But for the past year and a half I feel like I have to sensor my self like crazy. I feel like I can't share what I want to share... I feel like I have to second guess every sentence I type, Every picture I post... So I haven't bloged as much... As this was my form of journaling That means I haven't journaled as much either... I feel like this is missing in my life...
Now here is the rub... I still feel like I can not share my life freely on here because of others fears and concerns (and the back lash that brings me) I also feel like what I have shared has been taken out of context and used to harm me emotionally...  I feel like the only things I'm "aloud" to share are things not really worth sharing or un important events in our life... I can no longer document my children's live's on her like I would like because of others fears... This saddens me... I will continue to post but more about my crafts and stuff like that...
I feel like my life is being run by what other people feel and want from me not what me or my husband want for our family... But because they feel I'm putting my family at such a big risk and putting there family at risk by what I journal and share I feel like I'm trapped... Family is the most important part of my life!!! I wake up thinking and doing for my family... I spend my entire day trying to make my family happy and healthy .. I go to sleep thinking about ways to make my children's lives better... I do not want to make anyone feel like the safety of there family is at risk... While I do not agree on some of the reasons they feel this way (I'll probably get in trouble again) They have there own opinions and i have mine... And we are each entitled to our own opinions!!! I have tryed to respect and honer there requests but i feel fake and hand cuffed...
SOOOO
I'm going to start jounraling old school with a pen and paper... I need a way to get my emotions on paper and not be judged by what my feeling on different subjects are... I need to be able to document my kids good and bad sides  (yes my kids are monsters some times and angles others they are KIDS and have to learn and there was only ONE who was perfect and guess what it's not me or my kids!)  Journaling in one of my best defenses against depression  and I need to get better at letting out my feeling instead of bottling it up until I expload...